Fucked Up
by UisceOneLove
Summary: Mickey had panicked. He never meant to hurt Ian, he just wanted to end things without saying anything at all, really. Now he can't stop thinking about what he'd done to Gallagher. There's only one option. Right?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I can't stop thinking about what happened with Ian and Mickey in the newest episode, so I couldn't help but right this. Please, read and review. I hope you somewhat like it. I can't sleep so sorry if it's not good. This may or may not be more than one chapter.**

"You love me, and you're gay."

The words rang echoed through Mickey's head. He hadn't been able to sleep since what he did. Since those words came out of Gallagher's mouth. All he could do was lie in bed, staring at nothing across his room while on his stomach, a beer in the hand that dangled off his bed.

Why couldn't he just keep his fucking mouth shut and stayed away from Mickey? Why couldn't he see what was staring him right in the face?

Mickey had bee so afraid, he didn't mean to hurt Ian. He never wanted to, he just wanted Gallagher to shut the fuck up and stay away for his own good. He just...He snapped.

So he tried to leave, before he could fuck things up worse.

And then the red head said those words. What Mickey had done was in sheer panic and fear and just wanting Ian to fucking understand.

He can't fucking love Ian Gallagher. No. Never. What they had is over, done for.

**"**Fuck..." He muttered, letting the beer settle on the floor as he shifted on his back.

_Fire crotch will never forgive me for this._ He thought. The part of him that formed because of Ian felt heartbroken. They were both never going to get past this. This was worse than telling Gallagher he was just a warm mouth. He...Ian had been fucking right. Goddammit, Mickey Milkovich was in fucking love with Ian Gallagher. A _guy._ No matter what, his father can't fix it. No matter how many fucks he has with women, with the bitch he has to get married to because she got fucking pregnant.

Mickey Milkovich won't be able to love any girl or any other guy the way he loves Ian. And he's going to keep denying it. Keep shoving it away, because that's what Milkoviches do. They're selfish criminals who care for themselves and fighting. This...These feelings have to be buried. Or else his father will kill him this time, and then go kill Gallagher. And after what he just did to him, Mickey would rather they both lived and suffered.

All that went through the ex-con's head was how it felt to punch the red head. To kick him. Mickey wanted to throw up. He felt even more disgusted with himself than he did before.

_Just use this to get the fuck over me, Gallagher. Save yourself._

__From the beginning, Mickey knew that whatever the fuck they had going on would end terribly. Everything always did. It was what they grew up knowing. But fucking Gallagher, he got under his skin and flipped a switch to make him feel and care and find something to be happy about for once since he was a little weakling on a child.

Maybe this was the fucking sign he needed. Hurting Firecrotch, his father finding out who he is, it all meant something. Mickey had nothing left. He could easily just take the fucking gun in his drawer and off himself with a bullet. He could take a thing of pills and OD before anyone gave a shit long enough to dump him at a hospital. He could take a switchblade and cut deep enough to bleed out quickly.

No. He won't do any of that. He's not a fucking coward like that.

Instead, he gets off the bed. Mickey grabs the empty bag out from under his bed and starts shoving everything he has into it. Takes the gun and buries it in among the clothes and Snickers bars. The ex-con shoves his cartons of cigarettes into the bag along with some photos he actually decided were worth something.

Then he went to the kitchen, grabbed the remaining Jello-O and some leftover food. Only one thing left. He went to the dresser and moved it away from the wall to reveal a hole he had kicked in before he went to Juvie for punching that stupid ass cop instead of killing off Frank. He reached a hand into the hole and pulled out a huge stash of money he hid, going to the bag and hiding it all at the bottom. Mickey closed the bag, found some crumpled paper and a half used pen, then wrote.

He took the note to Mandy's empty room. Mickey knew she'd be home late that night, she'd looked pissed when she came by for the car. He went over to her table and opened the drawer where her make up was and shoved the note in before closing the drawer and walking out.

Mickey took his bag, stole the keys to the car they kept hidden out back, and snuck out. The ex-con removed the tarp covering the piece of shit car, then silently pushed it out into the alleyway. He couldn't let anyone here the car start, so he just kept pushing until he hit the end of the street before getting it. He tossed the bag into the back seat, turned on the car and drove.

The ex-con had no fucking idea where he was going, just that he couldn't stop driving. Maybe he'd go to New York. He could become a fucking bartender or some shit at a club.

Mandy will forgive him, someday. She'll understand. Maybe. And maybe somehow, Gallagher will, too. Who knew, one day they could fucking see each other again. Mickey would fix things then. There'd be no one to hide from. Mickey would be willing to try to be fucking nice and find ways to apologize. He won't fucking say the actual words, but he can do something to show it.

Gallagher will be in the Army, maybe forget him. That's the more likely option. Or he'll be there full of rage and hatred for Mickey. That's better than staying in fucking puppy love.

No, it wouldn't be. It'd leave Mickey alone to feel this pain he caused himself.

"I'm fucking sorry, Gallagher." He said it out loud, to himself. That's the best he can do. With one regret in his pocket, Mickey drove out of Chicago and away, never planning to return.

When Mandy came home, she decided to wait until morning to clean the car. That Karen bitch had it coming. Lip belonged to Mandy. It's her that Lip is supposed to decide to take with him to Boston. Get her out of here and far away from her father.

She walked past Mickey's room, which she noticed wasn't a mess. She walked into the room.

"Mickey? Yo, Fuck face, you in here?" Mandy looked around. Something was so fucking off. His shit was gone, and so was Mickey himself.

As she walked to her room, she pulled her cell out and dialed his number. He didn't answer.

"Hey, douchebag, answer the fucking phone. Where the fuck are you? Call me back the instant you get this, shithead." Mandy knew their father was going to fucking pistolwhip him again for this. She went over to her table and moved things around until she noticed some paper in her make up drawer. Her name was scribbled messily on it.

Mickey's handwriting.

Mandy opened up the note and read it.

_Mandy-_

_Milkoviches don't do goodbyes, so I'm not giving you one. I can't stay here anymore. the fucking shitty mess isn't getting fixed, and I figure best way to end it is get the fuck out while I can._

_Don't look for me, don't think about me. I'm not coming back, so don't start wishing on some fucking stars. finish school and find your own way out._

_Tell your friend for me that I'm a fuck up. He'll understand better than you can. Don't hold a fucking grudge over this._

_-Mickey_

Mandy stared at the note for what felt like hours. The fucking selfish asshole left without her, without saying it to her face. And what the fuck was the business about Ian? What did he do to him?

She crumpled the note and hid it, knowing there was only so much time before Terry got home. So she grabbed some of her shit and bolted, knowing the Gallaghers most likely figured she'd be coming over and sleeping with Lip tonight. Nothing made sense anymore, and she didn't think she wanted it to.

Hell was bound to break loose eventually. I guess this is it.


	2. Chapter 2

Mickey had known that Mandy would figure out what he'd meant in the letter about Ian knowing more than she would. One look at the bruises and she would put the two together. He thought it'd be the best way to let her find out.

She won't kill Firecrotch, he knows she'll understand. Not that he could care anymore if she didn't.

He had kept driving until he left Illinois altogether. When he finally did stop, he found out he'd driven all the way to Pennsylvania. Guess he was after New York for real in the end. After driving endlessly for hours, functioning off of Jell-O, burgers, and energy drinks swallowed down with alcohol, Mickey decided this was the best he could do for now.

His ass and back were killing him. He could feel himself slowly shutting down to sleep for once since who the fuck knew. So Mickey turned in at a hotel and checked into a room. A crappy room at that. It reminded him of the shitty home he left.

With a tired sigh, he tossed his things into the chair that was at the window and flopped onto the bed stomach-first. Before sleep crashed down on him, he let himself picture Gallagher and Mandy. He pictured them happier than they were now. Mandy probably knocked up and married to fucking Lip, and the red head standing at attention all ready to get shipped off.

_They'll realize this is all I could offer to save them._

_Are you fucking serious? You're weak and pathetic, leaving them while dad is still around._

_Fuck off! They're better off without me. I don't stick around for anyone but myself._

_That was before now. You know, before you fell in love with Ian Gallagher._

Mickey squeezed his eyes shut, willing the voices in his head to shut up.

_You love Ian Gallagher. You love Ian Gallagher. You love Ian Gallagher._

The voice wouldn't go, just kept repeating the same thing again, harsh and unforgiving. It wasn't going to let Mickey forget the truth. It wasn't going to ever let him forget the things he'd done to Gallagher since the day they met. The voice, the part of Mickey that wanted him to stop trying to rebuild the wall, was demanding to be heard.

And Mickey was tired of fighting. Look where it got him. Letting himself drop into the darkness of sleep, he let the voice say the truth once again.

_You're in love with Ian Gallagher, and you will never stop._

When the dreams came, he didn't fight them either. It was like watching everything he'd been through with the red head. The way it felt like his skin was on fire when Ian touched him, or how satisfying it felt to kiss him that day in the van.

Then there was a new vision.

It was nighttime, and he was lying on a blanket in some park. No one else was there. No, that's not true. There was one other person. And that person was none other than Firecrotch. The two of them were lying together on that blanket, Ian's head resting against Mickey's chest even though the red head was taller. Mickey had an arm around him, the both of them staring up at the black sky looking at all the flickering stars.

Mickey woke up with that old warm feeling throughout his body. That dream was so gay, but it made him feel…Happy. It made him realize what he wished he could still have.

He wanted Ian to come find him.

Ian woke up in the passenger seat of Mandy's car. Or, well, the car they stole from her father and brothers that they'd normally use as the getaway vehicle.

When Mandy had walked into his room the day before, he refused to look at her. He didn't need her to see what her brother did. The brother he just got his heart broken by.

But she went right over to him and forced him to face her. As her eyes looked him over and took it in, he saw understanding in her eyes. It was like his face just answered an unspoken question. He flinched at her touch.

"Mickey did this." It wasn't a question; Mandy just out right said it, like she'd seen it happen herself. Ian couldn't get himself to say anything, so he just nodded. She held out a crumpled note that she'd gone back for that morning and waited for him to take it. "Now I get it."

The red head sat up and read the note, eyebrows furrowing before his eyes widened. He let the note drop as he stared at the Milkovich sister. He left. Mickey Milkovich ran without taking anyone with him. He acted like a fucking scared little asshole and this is what he decides to do to solve his problems? It angered Ian more than anything else ever had.

The fucker could have taken him, at the very least taken Mandy. Yet he didn't.

But…He admitted to being a fuck up. He wanted Ian to know it. That was his fucked up way of apologizing without saying what it was for, though Ian already knew, considering how his face looks.

"How long have you loved my brother, Ian?" Mandy asked, her eyes never leaving his face. He looked at her and willingly let their eyes meet, his watering up.

"Two years, since I tried to get Kash's gun back. I-It was him I slept around with aside from Kash. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Mandy, I just didn't want—"He rushed through until she cut him off with a hug.

"It's okay, Ian. Even fuck face needed to find someone." She pulled back, still watching his face. "I get it now."

All Ian could do was give her a sad smile. Of course she understood. Why wouldn't she? Mandy was smart, even if she did dress like a slut. But she'd always been like that. He was grateful to be friends with her.

Suddenly, Mandy stood up and started shoving some of his clothes into a bag. "What the hell are you doing, Mandy?" He got off the bed and tried to stop her, to no avail.

"I'm not letting him get away with leaving, let alone the fact he beat the shit out of you."

"That doesn't explain why the fuck you're packing my shit."

"Are you really going to just stand there and act like you don't want to come with me to get his ass?" Mandy stopped and stared at him. Slowly, he shook his head. Of course he wanted to see Mickey. That way he could try one more time to make him admit to what he feels, to get him back for really hurting him, anything.

"Good." Mandy shoved the last shirt into the bag and walked out of the room. Ian quickly followed after her.

"Do we even know which way he went?" he asked while the girl scribbled a note. When she was finished, she set it on the fridge, knowing Lip would see it there. She turned and faced him.

"There's only one way he would have thought to go. He has some weird thing about New York; don't ask me why because I sure as hell don't know."

The two of them walked out of the house and to the car, buckling up.

"What if it makes things worse to find him?" Ian whispered as they drove away from the house.

"Then it's too fucking bad he'll be acting like an asshole. We'll just be nice enough to make him see reason." Mandy replied. Ian didn't know what to say about it, so he kept his mouth shut and stared out the window.

Mickey was going to be Ian's again. That much, he knew for sure.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for following. I had no idea whether to continue this as a muilt-chapter or not. I hope you like this little bonding experience with Mandy and Ian, I honestly am not sure how this story is going to go as of yet.**

"Do you have any idea where we're going?"

Ian leaned against the hood of the car as he watched Mandy leaning over the spread out map, trying to pinpoint their location. They'd been at this gas station for over an hour. They'd originally stopped to use a bathroom and eat, then grab some snacks and get back on the road.

Unfortunately, Mandy didn't know which road they needed to take.

"Fuck off, I know where my brother is going." Mandy didn't bother to look up from the map, just shoved Ian's arm.

"Seriously, Mandy, we've been here since this morning. You said he was heading for New York, well so far he has ten hours on us."

Ever since Ian had woken up, his thoughts had stayed pinpointed on Mickey. He really was angry at the asshole for everything he'd done. For leaving without saying anything but what was in that stupid note. But it wouldn't stick. Then again, when has he ever been able to stay mad at Mickey Milkovich?

More than anything, Ian wanted to have Mick there with him again. He wanted to find him and get him to finally listen. Ian wanted to have his Mickey back. Not the shell he'd become. Not what Terry turned him into.

Mandy finally closed up the map.

"We just have to drive down a little further and get on the freeway. From there, we stay on until we reach Pennsylvania. Maybe he took a stop somewhere along the way." She said, getting into the car.

Ian kicked himself off the car and got into the passenger seat.

"So what's the big plan, Mandy? How are we supposed to get Mickey to come back with us?"

"It's simple, really. There's three different ways this can play out. One, I talk some fucking sense into him and we drive his ass back home. Two, you're the one that talks him into coming home. Or three, I knock his ass out and we drag him to the car." Mandy replied as she pulled out of the gas station and onto the freeway.

Ian stared at his fake girlfriend. Those are really the options she thought of? I mean, the firt two sounded fine, but when you think about all of this…Should they really be bringing him home?

"Mandy…Should we really be doing this? I'm all up for finding Mickey and laying into him over everything, but should we really be trying to take him home? I mean, after everything that's happened, after who your father is, would that really be the best thing?"

Mandy's grip on to the wheel tightened. "I know who my father is, Ian. I know how fucked up he is and how the world would be done a favor is he dropped dead. But Mickey's my brother. He's all I fucking have aside from you and Lip. Our brothers? They don't give a shit. It's always been just me and Mickey taking care of each other."

"I get that, Mandy, I really do. My family has been all I have. I'd do anything for them, which I have. But you can't make Mickey go back there. Not to your father." Ian really did understand what Mandy was thinking. If Lip had run off, he'd be searhing high and low for him. But if they brought Mickey back, it'd make things worse. Maybe this time Terry would kill him.

He watched as Mandy took a breath, looking halfway defeated. When she spoke again, she was quiet.

"I don't want him hurt anymore. I want him to have his chance at freedom. But you and I, we're stuck in Chicago until we're eighteen. If anything, Lip will take me with him to college if he actually stops being a prick and decides he wants to go." She looked at Ian for a moment. He could see the desperation in her eyes that she'd normally hide, much like Mickey would. "We need to talk to him in the least, Ian. If need be, we'll make him come home with us. All right?"

Ian looked out the window, watching everything pass by. After a few minutes, he nodded.

"Yeah. All right. But if he's truly better off in New York starting over, we leave him alone. Deal?"

"Deal."


	4. Chapter 4

A phone was ringing.

_Not now…_

The phone wouldn't stop ringing.

_Dammit, Mandy, pick up the phone…_

The ringing stopped. There was a sigh of relief along with shifting into a new position and falling back to sleep from the haze.

Then the ringing started again.

_Why can't she just wake up and answer her damn cell phone?_

"Ian, pick up your fucking phone already, I'm trying to sleep."

With a groan, Ian reached for the nightstand without opening his eyes, feeling around for the cell phone. When his fingers wrapped around it, he flipped it open and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Ian? Is that you?!" A voice rang out from the other end.

The red head sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes. He looked over at the clock that read "8:45 AM" before looking around at the motel room he and Mandy paid for te previous night. He let his eyes look at the other bed, where Mandy was on her stomach, something he was used to seeing Mickey do when he's asleep, the covers kicked to her feet.

"Lip?" he asked, taking a second to register the voice he heard.

"Where the fuck are you?! We've been searching everywhere for you!" Lip sounded beyond pissed and worried. If Fiona was the one talking, it'd be a lot worse.

"Didn't you read the note Mandy left?" Ian swung his legs off the bed, standing up and stretching. With one more glance at Mandy, he quietly went outside the room, closing the door soundlessly.

"Oh, you mean the note that said 'Lip, going on a road trip with Ian, be back in a few days. Love Mandy'? Yeah, we all got it. Totally enlightening."

"Lip, calm down. We're fine. Nothing is wrong, we can both handle ourselves just fine." Ian leaned back against the wall.

Of course they were all freaking out. Why wouldn't they? Ian took off with a bag of clothes and a Milkovich, all to chase after the Milkovich sibling he was in love with. If Mickey were here, he'd probably say it sounded like a plot to one of those faggy cheesy romances.

He heard a jumble of voices on the other line, then Lip telling them all to shut up.

"Ian, where are you right now?" Lip asked, an edge to his voice.

"I'm not telling you. Lip, just tell everyone I'm fine and not to worry. There's just something we have to do."

"Yeah? What happened to us telling each other everything?"

"Oh, so now you care?" Ian's voice rose, the anger he'd been holding back started to push foreward. "It seemed to me like you were too busy fucking Karen behind Mandy's back and treating her like shit to even give me the time of day lately."

"Ian, I—"

"You want to know where we're going? We're going after Mickey. Because even though he punched me and kicked me in the face and wouldn't talk to me, I still love him. And I know he loves me. So I'm going to find him. That's what I'm doing. And Mandy's helping me."

There was a moment of silence from his brother. When Lip spoke again, his voice was quiet and strained, like he was trying to hold back any panic or…Crying?

"Ian, you need to be careful with Mandy, all right?"

"I think I'm going to be just fine with the girl you're dating and I fake dated, Lip." Ian didn't know what he should think right now. Something was off. Very off.

"I…She…" Lip took a breath, trying to form the words. "Karen got hit by a car the night before you left with Mandy."

Ian froze, eyes widening. Did he hear right? Someone hit Karen? She was a slutty bitch, but did she ever really deserve that?

"Shit…Is she..?"

"She's in a coma, Ian. They don't know if she's going to wake up."

There was silence on both ends of the call. Ian didn't know what to say, and he could tell Lip was trying to figure it out too. So he waited for what he knew his older brother was going to say next.

"When I went to visit her in the hospital, Sheila said that Karen got hit going to meet me at the park."

"Okay…Shit, Lip, I'm sorry. But that doesn't make it your fault."

"No, Ian, you don't understand. I didn't send her a text. I didn't plan to meet her at all. Last time I had contact with Karen was when I had gone over to tell her we were done."

Ian frowned, confused.

"If you didn't send her the text, then who did? There's not really a bunch of people who can get it."

Lip went silent again on the phone.

"Ian, the only other person who could have gotten to my phone at the time was Mandy." He spoke quietly.

As a reflex, Ian's head jerked to look at the door to his and Mandy's room. There's no way—was there? Mandy wou;dn't…But she's a Milkovich, so that had to mean that her criminal capacity could match that of her brothers, didn't it?

"Mandy wouldn't—Lip, she wouldn't do that." He couldn't let himself believe it. The girl who he pretended to be dating, who was the reason he and Mickey even began their relationship-thing.

But then again…That all started because she was so upset she claimed Ian raped her…So did that mean she could be pissed enough to run Karen over for fucking around with Lip?

"Did you…Did you tell anyone else about it?" He asked Lip slowly.

"No. Not yet. I don't know what I'm going to do, Ian." Lip sighed. "Be fucking careful, all right?"

"I will." Ian nodded even though Lip had no way of seeing. Fuck, what did this mean for him and Mandy now?

"We love you." Lip said as his farewell.

"I love you guys too." With that, Ian hung up. He spent another twenty minutes outside, having a smoke and thinking through his options.

He could confront Mandy about this. Tell her to turn herself in, No, he couldn't do that. Mandy and Mickey would both hate him for it. And the Gallagher's have all done some fucked up shit too, right? Wouldn't it be the pot calling the kettle black, or whatever that saying was?

Okay, then he could still confront her about knowing. Maybe she and Lip can do something.

Or, he thought, he didn't have to confront her. Either pretend he knew nothing or maybe she'd come out about it to him during their drive.

All his internal thoughts were stopped by the sound of a door opening and closing.

"There you are. The fuck are you doing out here?" Mandy walked over to him.

"Just thinking about what I'll say to Mickey when we find him." He lied. For know, it'd definitely be best to stay silent. He was good at secrets, why not add one more?

"Well, we should get going. I got everything packed back up, we just have to get more gas, grab breakfast, and then hit the road."

Ian nodded, putting out his cigarette. He took care of loading the car while Mandy grabbed them some food from the continental breakfast, and then they climbed in and went to the gas station nearby.

As Mandy filled the tank, Ian watched her carefully. Nothing gave way to the fact she put Karen into the hospital. A sinking feeling in his stomach told the red head she was probably hoping the blonde was dead. He'll eventually have to tell her.

After they hit the road, Mandy turned on the radio to some random ass station that Ian didn't bother to pay attention to.

"So who called this morning?" she asked, looking at him for a moment before looking back at the road.

"Just Lip. Everyone still freaked out after reading your very brief note."

"You didn't tell them where we are, did you?"

"Of course not, Mandy. I want to find Mickey, I'm not letting them get in the way of that."

"Good." Mandy nodded her approval, smiling at the song that turned on and singing with it. Ian had to admit the girl had a good voice. It made him wonder if Mickey was good, too.

Ian half expected Mandy to ask him more questions, but it seemed she already removed Karen's existence from her mind.

And Ian had a feeling it'll bite them in the ass later on.


	5. Chapter 5

Mickey would never come back to Chicago. He wouldn't come anywhere near where Terry could get his hands on him and kill him. But he wanted Mandy and Ian to find him. He wanted to be able to convince Ian to stay with him. That's all he really wants now.

Yeah, it's fucking faggy to want that, but he deserved some happiness after all the shit his life put him and Gallagher through. Mandy was safe, she'd get out of Chicago with Lip. She'd bragged about applying him to colleges. Wanted him to get into MIT or some fucking high rate school like that.

Ian, though, he could finally convince the red head to stay with him instead of signing up for the Army. They can be all gay and share an apartment, fucking snuggle though Mickey pretended to hate it.

So Mickey had finished his drive all the way to New York, found some cheap ass apartment and started cleaning it up to make it livable. Then he went out and searched for a job. Took a few threats and businesses, but got a janitor job in some huge ass firm. At least he'll get paid. Maybe Ian could work as a cahier or somethin.

No shit, he hadn't thought it all through. He was making his way as he went along. Gallagher was much better at strategy. Fuck, he missed having that red head balls deep in his ass. Maybe he can convince Mandy to give him and Firecrotch an hour alone first. Yeah, Mickey knew from the beginning what Mandy would do. She'd go to Gallagher and convince him to come with her to find the ex-con.

By now, those two were probably hitting where he slept a two days ago. All he had to do was wait, even though patience wasn't something Mickey had. Even Mandy didn't have too much of it.

Mickey lied back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, chugging away at his third beer and a newly opened pack of smokes.

"See you soon, Firecrotch." He mumbled to himself.

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short. I would have done Ian and Mandy's side of this chapter too, but things have been busy. I'll upload new chapters a lot faster this week. Thank you all for following and liking my stories. **


	6. Chapter 6

"Mandy, we've been driving for hours. Can we please just stop for a bite to eat?"

"Not until we catch up to Mickey. We've got two more hours, you can fucking wait." Mandy snapped.

Ian sat back against his seat with a sigh. Ever since they left Pennsylvania, Mandy had begun to get more on edge. If he didn't know any better, Ian would think it was just her preparing to lay into Mickey and his partial stupidity. But he could see the way her eyes flickered to the mirrors every once in a while, the way she would suddenly turn down the music and then say she didn't like the song that wsa playing.

For once, he was seeing Mandy Milkovich nervous. And it scared him that he knew exactly why she was scared.

Ian thought about confronting her still. It didn't exactly leave him feeling comfortable that he's riding in a car-quite possibly the same car that was used-with the person who hit Karen. But maybe it needed to be said out loud. It needed to be admitted.

"Mandy..."

"What?" She sighed.

"You were the one who ran Karen over, weren't you?"

By the way Mandy's hands tightened on the wheel and her eyes forced themselves to stay on the road, he knew Lip had been right.

"Why the fuck would you say that?" she asked, her voice strained.

"Because you were in quite a rush for us to get out of Chicago, and the fact that Lip found a text in his found he never sent to her."

To Ian's partial surprise, Mandy relaxed slightly, but grew angry.

"I did it for him, you know. That slut needs to be out of his life. Out of _our_ lives!" she yelled.

Ian sat up straighter and kept his body facing her. How was it that he could see part of himself in the way Mandy was acting over Lip?

Oh, that's right, because he'd do anything for Mickey. To have Mickey for himself. For them to be happy and get the stubborn ex-con to finally admit they have something. That's why he's on this trip in the first place.

Mandy's a good person, for a Milkovich. Obviously still has anger issues and some other similarities to her siblings, but she has a good heart. She was the one who got Lip to care again, to get out of his Karen funk the first time around. It was her who pushed for him to apply for college, and when he didn't, she applied for him. And now he's actually doing shit at school so that he can graduate and go.

But running Karen over all because she wanted the bitch out of Lip's life?

That could have been handled just a tad differently.

"So you thought running her over was the perfect solution? Jesus, Mandy!"

"Hey! When my family has a problem, we take care of it!"

"Hitting Karen with a car was not handling it!"

"Then what would you have suggested?!" Mandy screamed at him.

"Doing nothing! He had told Karen he couldn't see her anymore because he's with you!" Ian screamed back.

Immediately, Mandy's anger drained from her face. She stared at Ian with shock and surprise.

"He did?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah. He did. But now there's no way he's going to leave her side. And you do realize what this means for you guys, right?" Ian spoke calmly and quietly too. His family and his friend. A hard line to balance on when they'd become intertwined.

"I brought them closer together…He's never going to stay with me now." Mandy silently turned the radio up and stared out ahead of them, working through her emotions internally rather than let Ian see.

Ian watched her for a moment longer before looking out his window. He has an angry and panicked older brother, a family flipping out over where he might be and why, a best friend who's having an internal meltdown after having tried to kill Karen, and then a guy he's in love with who ran off and they're chasing after. Such a perfect grouping.

"Look, let's just pull over and get something to eat. It'll help the both of us calm down and figure things out. We should probably work on what we're going to say to Mickey when we find him. Knowing him, it's not going to be easy." Ian said gently, looking at Mandy and resting a hand on her shoulder.

Mandy sighed and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. That squeeze alone told him the red head that she knew he wouldn't tell anyone about what she did. And that when they get back, she might be the first Milkovich to willingly turn themselves in for a crime.

"I think I saw a diner coming up." She replied.

The two sat in silence until they pulled up. They got out of the car, went inside, and found a booth. Ian ordered the two of them coffee, and Mandy ordered them as much as they could eat. It was like nothing happened in the car. Both of them were okay with it. Instead, they talked about Mickey.


	7. Chapter 7

Ian and Mandy didn't realize how big New York City was until they got jammed in the traffic.

Many more massive buildings, streets packed full of taxies and pedestrians, and the Empire State Building. And it seemed so much louder than Chicago ever was.

After about an hour of looking around the general areas, Ian began to figure out that it wouldn't be as easy finding Mickey as they'd thought. They didn't exactly have any photos to show of him, and it was obvious that no one was going to be willing to stop walking long enough to help.

Eventually, Mandy led Ian to a bench in Central Park and sat down, exhausted from looking. They'd left the car in some parking garage that Ian made sure to memorize the address of.

"Where the fuck are we supposed to look now?" Mandy groaned, fanning herself. He thought the heat in Chicago was bad, here it feels so blistering that he wondered if this was how Afghanistan would be.

"I don't know…Maybe find the police station and ask for help finding him?" Ian kept looking around, hoping to see Mickey out of nowhere. He could already feel his heart trying to escape his chest, as if searching on its own accord for some missing piece.

"Please tell me you aren't serious." She stared at Ian dubiously.

"All right, I see your point, but I'm just throwing ideas out here, Mandy. We've never been here before. We have no fucking idea where Mickey is. The best thing we can do is keep wandering around hoping we don't get lost trying to find him."

Ian stood up. It was no wonder why Mickey would choose New York City out of any place to go. It's big enough and busy enough to keep from being found. Even the homophobic prick Terry would have a hard ass job searching for his son here.

And as he was thinking it, suddenly there was Mickey.

Ian thought he was imagining it at first. That his mind was projecting what he wanted to see. It most certainly looked like Mickey Milkovich. Short black hair that spiked slightly, pale skin, definitely wearing a tank that he remembered the shorter boy had once.

"Holy fuck, Ian, is that Mickey?" Mandy's voice was loud next to him. He hadn't heard her move.

So it wasn't just him seeing it.

"I think it is…" He mumbled.

Mandy took off in the direction Mickey was standing, waiting for the group to walk. Ian caught up and grabbed her arm.

"Hold it, Mandy."

"What? He's right there! Let's grab his ass, throw him in the car and go." She growled.

"You really think that's going to work? How about following him and finding out where he's been staying. Then the can talk to him." What was it with Milkovichs that made them think the only answer to things was violence and impatience?

Mandy groaned and pulled her arm away from the red heard, crossing them over her chest, which only made her breasts pop out more from the thing she called a shirt.

"Fine. We follow him, get his address, then get him first thing in the morning." She grumbled out.

"Sounds like a much better plan than jumping him right now." Ian remarked.

"Fuck off."

Ian just rolled his eyes and joined the crowd, keeping Mandy by his side. They followed Mickey from a distance, watching as he snatched some cigarettes from a stand and a random magazine, even making a point to go into a store for beer and a Lunchable before leading them to an alley-like area full of apartments. They watched as he went to a door marked with the number 15 and went inside.

After a few minutes, they decided to find a nearby hotel to stay the night in.

"Okay, so we know where he is…" Mandy stated as they walked.

"We just have to be here before he leaves." Ian replied, nodding.

The only real question was, How?


	8. Chapter 8

Mickey had pretended not to see them.

It was natural for him not to react, but inside, his heart had sped up and he felt relief. Mandy and Firecrotch really did care enough to find him.

Even the ex-con had a slightly hard time explaining why he chose New York out of any other place in the country. He thought it could have been because when he was six years old his mom had brought him there as a trip. Maybe it was just the first big city he could think of. New York was big enough that it'd take weeks to find any specific person. But he hadn't even been there long.

So it was either luck they found him so fast, or Gallagher was just that good at knowing where Mickey would go.

Ian's face almost had Mickey crumble. The bruises were all because of him. The sickening purple and green where he'd punched, where he'd kicked. Terry Milkovich definitely had beat Mickey down further than he ever thought.

This is his chance to make things right with Firecrotch. Maybe the red head could forgive him like all the times before. For all Mickey knew, he could have only come along to rip him a new one. Or to just support Mandy in trying to bring his ass back to South Side.

Mickey stayed in the crowd, though. He made sure to act oblivious as they followed him across the street, feeling his sister and Firecrotch's eyes trained on the back of his head. It almost made him shiver. He picked up what he'd been planning to, not paying of course. Bigger city, easier stealing opportunities.

He kept going until his reached the apartment. Anyone else would think fifteen was a random ass number, but he hoped Firecrotch would put it together. Mickey chose it for a reason. It was the age Gallagher was when they first started whatever the fuck you called this.

No, he knew what everyone else would call it, what Gallagher was wanting it to be called from the beginning.

A relationship. Them being fucking boyfriend-boyfriend. He'll never accept that title, but maybe he'd give the ginger a hint and allow him to think it was one without getting a punch to the face.

Part of Mickey was hoping that they'd be pounding on the door as soon as he closed it. To his disappointment, Mandy and Ian had walked off. He could only hope they'd show up again soon. No, hope wasn't a word he'd ever use. Considering hope was for pussies and life was too unfair for it. No, Mickey _expects_ them to be back here soon.

With only hours left before he'd see his sister again, Mickey forced himself back into what he'd set as the night's routine. He turned on the tiny TV and watched some wrestling-The real shit, bot the fake pussy WWE-And heated up some pizza bagels. Then he had some of his stashed Jell-O and crawled onto the bed that was even more uncomfortable than the one he'd spent his entire life sleeping on. He laid there on his stomach for a good hour thinking about Gallagher's stupid little shit eating grin before finally falling asleep.

When Mickey woke up that morning, at first he didn't realize why. The noises were all the same, sirens and yelling and cars honking impatiently as pedestrians had most likely cut them off again. Nothing was in a different place than he'd put it. So no one was in the apartment with him.

He sat up, hair messily tousled, and rubbed his eyes.

Then he heard the noise that woke him up.

Insistent pounding on his door.

"Mickey "Fuck Face" Milkovich, open this fucking door!" He heard Mandy's voice shout out on the other side.

A smirk appeared on Mickey's face. This was it. His sister and his…Lover-kinda-boyfriend were at his door. Part of him hoped they weren't going to be as mad as he knew they were. Mandy was going to kill him for fucking Gallagher, and Firecrotch was going to kill him for being a little bitch and hurting him instead of for once in his life admitting what he really felt.

The ex-con walked to the door as Mandy continuously pounded on it, then took a deep breath and let the smirk fall from his face, replacing it with fake confusion and irritation as he opened the door.

"Can't you fuckin wait a sec?!" He shouted. Then, he let his face show him surprise. "The fuck you doin here, Mandy?"

"The fuck you think we're here, shit head!" Mandy shoved her way past Mickey into the apartment, taking an angry look around before crossing her arms and glaring.

But Mickey's attention was on the tall freckled red head that hadn't moved from his spot outside.

Ian was in that green sweater of his, hands shoved into the pockets. Underneath was that grey V-neck Mickey would never admit to loving since it was tight around Gallagher's biceps. The bruises didn't seem as bad as when he'd glanced over yesterday. But Ian's eyes themselves said something else. They freely revealed to Mickey just how heartbroken and angry he was. Ian's jaw was tight, clenched. Silently, he finally walked past Mickey into the apartment and took his place next to Mandy again.

"That note wasn't a fuckin invitation for you to come find me, bitch." Mickey remarked, returning Mandy's glare.

"Yeah, well, too fucking bad, asshole. We're here, and we're taking you home."

Mickey scoffed. "No fuckin way am I going back to that shithole. We both know that dad would have me beaten to the point of no return if I did."

Ian's face contorted into one of pure hatred and disgust at the mention of Terry Milkovich. At least it was obvious how he felt about Mickey and Mandy's "father figure".

"I could have taken care of it! Found someone else for you to fake love or some shit, gotten you room at the Gallaghers' or something!" Mandy yelled. She definitely had the most anger of the two at the moment. Mickey could tell he hurt her, leaving. Mandy probably wanted to at least be asked if she wanted to get out with him.

But he'd known she would have stayed for the two older Gallagher boys. Her boyfriend and the fake one. His real one.

Mickey waited for Ian to say something. All the red head did was stare back, still not bothering to hide the pain in his eyes, but there was something else. Something that told Mickey that Ian would be able to forgive him if Mickey said one of two things. And Mickey didn't know which would find its way out.

"Mandy, let me tell you something. There was no fucking way I was going to be stuck in _another _house having to listen to you and Lip fuck. And we both know that being anywhere near Chicago would have been my fucking death wish when it comes to dad. Juvie would have been safer! And I've already done that!" The ex-con watched as Mandy slowly lost her anger, as if it was taking to much energy for once.

"I...I know. But you could have fucking had the balls to tell me in person what you were doing." She said quietly.

"You would have stopped me anyway."

Mandy sighed and nodded, then punched Mickey hard in the arm.

"The fuck, bitch!" he winced, rubbing his arm.

"That's for fucking around with my fake boyfriend and being too pussy to tell me!" Mandy then punched his arm again even harder. "And that's for what you did to his face, you son of a bitch!"

Mickey couldn't hide that he was in pain that time, and he was staring at Gallagher again. It made his stomach churn.

"Bitch, get out." He said in a calmer voice.

"What?"

Mickey looked at his sister, giving her a look that should be so obvious you had to be too stupid to not understand.

"Give me a minute alone with him."

Mandy looked at Ian, who hesitated a moment before nodding. She gave him a hug, then squeezed his hand and walked past Mickey outside.

Mickey was left face to face with Firecrotch.


	9. Chapter 9

For several minutes, neither boy said anything. The two of them just stayed where they stood, unable to move as they stared at one another.

Ian thought he'd been able to get over what he'd first felt after Mickey hurt him. But as soon as that door had opened, he felt it all come back. So many times Mickey had said the wrong thing, done the stupid thing, or refused to admit what he was really feeling.

Time after time, Ian forgave him.

Time after time, he pretended it never hurt him in the first place.

But this time, he was done pretending.

Yet as he told himself this, he couldn't help but take in Mickey's messy hair, the fact he was shirtless and staring at him with that flicker of hunger Ian was so used to seeing before Terry Milkovich had ruined what they had. Ian couldn't help but want to pull Mickey close and make up for the weeks they lost.

Mickey didn't avert his gaze from Gallagher's. Aside from the bruise, he'd looked fuckin hot as ever. His lips still full, hair still that gorgeous fire red. He could see the longing that Ian tried so hard to hide. The ex-con understood.

"The bruise doesn't look that bad…" Mickey commented.

Ian's scoffed and sneered. "Yeah, well, it's surprising what a bag of peas and a bunch of tears can do."

Mickey tried to hide a wince. He deserved that. He just hoped Gallagher would forgive.

"Gallagher—"

"No. I came here with Mandy to find you and see if you'll go home or not. I keep telling myself I should fucking hate you for what you did to me. And yet…Yet all I can fucking do is forgive you and act like it's okay." Ian stayed in his spot, eyes watering with the threat of tears.

Mickey slowly walked toward him a few steps, a hand scrubbing through his own hair.

"I know! I-I know. I'm a fuckin asshole for treating you like shit, okay? I know. And I'm…I'm…I'm fuckin sorry, all right, Gallagher?" He spat out, desperate for Ian to see how much he meant it. For Christ's sake he'd actually just _apologized_ for this redhead.

The shock made the anger drain from Gallagher's face. He stood there with wide eyes, staring at Mickey as if he were some fucking unicorn. Rare and never seen. After a moment, Ian spoke.

"Did….Did Mickey Milkovich just…Say he was sorry?"

"Yeah. I did." Mickey couldn't take the intensity of Ian's look, so turned his head away and crossed his arms.

There was a long silence between them, Mickey just wanting Ian to speak while Ian tried to figure out if this was really the same tense Mickey who couldn't even smile.

After another minute or two, Mickey gave in.

"I was hopin you would come. I knew Mandy would drag you out somewhat. I'm not goin the fuck back to Chicago. I'm stayin right here. And you should too."

Ian's hear flipped. It stuttered, even halted. He was one hundred percent sure he'd heard Mickey wrong.

"What did you just say?" he asked.

"Jesus, Gallagher, don't make me say it again." Mickey scowled.

Ian was silent, slowly walking to him. He stared down at the ex-con.

"Why would you want me to stay here with you? Away from my family? Away from Mandy?"

Mickey shifted. "You're coming up here anyway. For fuckin West Point. Might as well get used to this fuckin place. No need to find some expensive ass apartment. And…I want you here."

Ian's hands slowly moved, snaking around Mickey's waist and pulling him closer. The redhead leaned down to get closer.

"You being serious, Mick, or just saying what you know I want to hear?" he whispered.

"What the fuck do you think?" Mickey replied, rising onto his toes, leaving little space between their mouths, their breath hitting against each other.

"I think…I love you." Ian whispered. In response, Mickey welcomes the uniting of their lips instead of pushing away.

They both knew Mickey wasn't going to be able to utter those three words back. Not yet. Especially after what happened before. But what they did do was stand pressed against each other as close as they could, Ian's arms around the ex-con's waist while Mickey's were knotted in the short red hair. They let their teeth and tongues speak for them.

Neither of them held back their conveying emotions in the kiss; just let the desperation and happiness flow on through.

When they finally pulled apart, both boys were breathing hard, close to taking the kissing further. Instead, Mickey and Ian let their lips brush against each other over and over.

"So…?" Mickey whispered.

Ian let his lips quirk into his shit eating grin.

"What the fuck do you think?" He answered back.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I apologize for the long wait, I was trying to figure out a good way to end this fully, so here is the first of two more chapters. Thank you for reading. 3 Oh, I will be shorty starting a new multi-chap.**

"Mick. Mick, wake up."

"Fuck off." Mickey groaned, pulling the pillow over his head in an attempt to block out the voice and drift back to sleep. He felt the sheets get pulled off him, and then the pillow was yanked away.

"Mick, get your ass up. You'll be late." Ian smacked the ex-con on his ass before turning away and walking off to the dresser, getting his uniform on.

Mickey reluctantly sat up, watching the redhead as he pulled on a pair of boxers and socks before the one and only outfit given from West Point. So much green, it'd made Mickey nauseous to look at before. But his eyes got used to it, the only feeling it was given from the sight of the uniform was a sort of awe that Gallagher managed to keep it so clean and wrinkle-free.

It was hard for either of the boys to believe it'd been a year of them sharing this shitty apartment in New York. It'd been hard to believe Mandy went back to face the riskof being arrested, too. But she did it, leaving her brother and best friend with a "Fuck you". Lip didn't turn her in though. No, he just treated her like shit, then backed off when Mickey personally called with a threat of coming back just to caught off Lip's balls and shove them down his throat.

Lip had eventually grown less hostile after Jody took Karen away to some place to with magical waters. Mickey and Ian pretty much figured that Lip forgave Mandy by the time he got accepted into MIT. And then they put two and two together that they'd started fucking again when news came around she was going off with him.

Fiona and Ian always wrote or talked on the phone. In the beginning, she yelled at him. Then, when she'd realized he didn't plan on returning to Chicago, she started being the good older sister and encouraged him on finishing high school before West Point.

Did Mickey try stopping him from going? Nope. Why would he when they'd both be there in New York, in the same low-down apartment, fucking every chance they got. Gallagher got to go to his precious military school, and Mickey got to lounge around all day. Which come to think of it wasn't that different from how he'd been back in South Side.

"Have I ever told you that thinking hurts your precious brain, Mick?" Ian's voice broke in.

"Fuck off, Firecrotch." He grumbled in response, getting out of bed and going over to the redhead. He grabbed his own boxers and pulled them on.

"I'd certainly love to, Mick. But I can't be late."

"Late should be considered the afternoon. Not fuckin six in the morning."

Ian slipped his arms around Mickey's waist, ignoring the protesting grunt. "It's the military. Early is their motto."

"I thought 'fuck human rights' was their motto."

"Ha ha." Ian turned the shorter boy around so they'd face each other. "We both have things to do now. You have Mandy to visit-no killing Lip, I might add- and I start West Point. And then when our days finish, we'll be back in this bed together, ready to fuck each other senseless like usual. Sound good?" As an emphasis, the redhead pressed into Mickey, hands squeezing his ass.

The brunette's eyes slid close. "Fuck you…"

Ian chuckled and grinned, then gave Mickey a quick kiss, nipping his bottom lip before stepping away. The taller boy picked up his bag and headed for the door.

"See you tonight, Mick." He said before closing the door, leaving Mickey standing there on his own.

Mickey knew he'd never get back to sleep, so he showered-out of newly founded habit thanks to Firecrotch-and dressed in his normal jeans and tank, grabbing the old grey sweater he'd "stolen" from Ian in what felt like so long ago.

After eventually finding the car keys he'd left amongst the messy pile of mail on the counter, Mickey locked the apartment up behind himself and went down to the car.

A year ago, Mickey left with no intentions of going back to Chicago. Terry fuckin Milkovich and hiss three brothers would never have let him see daylight again. But then two months ago, Mandy had sent a letter.

_Yo Assface-_

_Dad got busted. Don't know what the fuck for, but Iggy and the other fuckheads took off. Going to Chicago to take care of the fuckin mess they left. You should meet me there._

_Lip got word from Fiona you got yourself a baby boy named Michael who's mommy went missing._

_Perhaps that's what dad got his ass busted for?_

_-Mandy_

So here he is, driving back to the home he was fuckin glad to be rid of. And a kid he always thought wasn't real. Mickey had hidden the baby thing from Ian. No way was he going to say shit about Michael until he figured out what the fuck he was going to do.

Well, what exactly can he do?


End file.
